I’ve been unable to pray. At first because I couldn’t word my prayers properly without asking God why. Why did He let this happen? If it’s a punishment, why are the oppressors not the ones being punished? Why is it peaceful protesters who just want a country where they can live freely. I knew that would defeat the purpose of the prayer, so why bother?
Now, I can word my prayers properly without asking what God was doing while this happened to innocent souls. But I can’t pray still because a part of me is starting to question “prayers.”
I keep wondering, will my prayers change anything? I’m certain Syrians prayed, Afghans prayed, Black people prayed, Congolese people prayed but the oppressed keep getting oppressed, the oppressors keep thriving in oppression.
The Lekki Massacre threw me in a state of disbelief and shock. Shock isn’t even the word. I can’t find the right word but as I said in a tweet; “I feel like something has broken inside of me and I would never recover from it.”
It hits differently because I’m not reading it from a book or from Google or from some movie dedicated to telling the story. It’s really happening. It really happened.
For two weeks now, Peaceful #EndSARS protesters had gathered all over the country and even outside the country to demand change, to demand the end of Police Brutality, the end of SARS, a police unit notorious for harassing and killing young Nigerians for nothing!
And on 20-10-20, Lekki Protesters joined their voices together, singing the national anthem with hope, hanging on to the meaning of the anthem. They were waving the flag as they sang, exhausted but fighting still and the Millitary Men attacked them with arms and bullets meant to be used at war front.
It’s the video of them singing the National Anthem that keeps playing in my head. I’ve never heard people sing the anthem with such passion, with such hope, with such belief that change is near.
And their voices, Ya Allah, the solemnity of their voices. The National Anthem became a song of hope.
One moment, they were singing the National Anthem, the next we were watching DJ Switch’s Instagram Live. Protesters were crying for help, soldiers were shooting, killing protesters, some protesters were trying to remove a bullet from the leg of one of the victims gunned down.
We watched him die on IG Live.
Military men who were supposed to protect Nigerians came with guns, in their uniforms to attack PEACEFUL protesters. They came with guns to attack protesters who were holding nothing but Nigeria’s Flags!
Earlier that day, we had seen a picture of a man removing the CCTV cameras at the tollgate, we had heard reports of the lights going off but never did I think it was in preparation to commit such horrid atrocities.
Why would the Government flex such power? Why would the Government feel so threatened by the voices of the youth?
Why would the Government order the attack of citizens who were begging them to put a stop to Police Brutality? How hard is it to End SARS? So hard that you’d rather end more lives?
The Government has been killing us, from corruption to funds embezzlement to poor leadership, but on 201020, they brought guns right in front of our faces!
The aftermath of the massacre has been nothing short of terrifying. The army denied being involved in the shootings as though the soldiers present, the bullets picked from the ground, the injured protesters and the protesters who were murdered in cold blood were all a figment of our imagination.
As if that wasn’t enough, the Governor claimed the incident that happened was perpetrated by “forces beyond control.” And on Live TV, he boldly read out from his “script” that no fatality was recorded. The audacity!
People are dead, people were murdered, bodies were taken away by the soldiers and the Governor stood right there to tell us what we saw didn’t happen.
It’s not even up to 48 hours and they are already trying to rewrite history right in front of us.
The president is yet to release a word. As expected, the VP has “his heart” going out to the victims.
The country is still in a state of unrest, blood keeps spilling, people are injured, people are dead. They are dead! Murdered by their country. Their offense was being born as Nigerians. And now the country is trying to erase their death, trying to reduce their death to “no fatality recorded”?
How do you pray? Where do you start praying from? What exactly do you pray for?
I desperately want to believe in the power of curses and Karma but if Karma did exist, this passionless, cruel Government wouldn’t be in power.
I’m surprised by their indifference, by the cruelty, by the flex of Power. I’m surprised by the boldness. It scares me. They are certain of the lack of consequences for their actions.
“I’ll shoot you and nothing will happen.” 💔
And now, I don’t know how to curse. Worse, I don’t know how to pray. I can’t imagine the pains in the homes affected. The only prayer on my lip is that this is over soon. But is that even a prayer? Or one of those things you say because you can’t find the right thing to say?
I feel hopeless. I am angry. The victims deserve justice and the government is doing everything to pretend the massacre never happened. What is this country?
If you’re able to pray, please hold the families affected in your prayers and the souls of the heroes who departed, whose blood was spilled in their country, by their country, for doing nothing but demanding the right to live.
Hold the country in your prayer.
Please, hold me in your prayers too. I can’t pray. It scares me. I’m the type of person who prays about the most ridiculous things, even in simple situations when prayers aren’t necessary needed, I pray. And now, in a situation as horrid as this, I can’t find the words.
Azeeza Adeowu
22/10/20
“Love, Zyzah” 
This was an experience I’m still trying to get over.😭😭😭
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