Songs, Nostalgia & Nicki Minaj – How “Looking Back” Brought Me Joy

This is a 3 minutes read.

💜💙

The past months have been a blur. Days pass by, days look alike, dates don’t matter.

The only difference between Mondays and Fridays is that my phone notifies me on Friday to read Suratul Kahf and many times it meets me by surprise, “Wait? Yesterday was Thursday? I planned to fast!”

I have also been overwhelmed by a story I’m working on. It’s set in 2013 and many times I use terms like “Shoot your shot”, “Mad O” before I remember that those phrases were nonexistent during that time.

I was forced to look back, how was my life in 2013, what did I love, which movie did I watch? What type of conversation did I have?

I couldn’t remember much, it was hurtful. It felt like the blurriness of my days during this pandemic was starting to extend to my memories too. I paused the story, decided to take a break.

When BBNaija started, I was very excited. At least there’s something to look forward to. I could focus on 20 housemates, be fascinated and annoyed by them, I could love and dislike them, talk about them and argue with random people on Twitter about who deserve the prize.

One day, the housemates began the day by singing the songs they loved. Most of these songs were classics and I sang along with them. I was surprised by how I knew the lyrics of the songs I didn’t even know I knew

It was Usher’s “U Remind Me” that got to me the most. I didn’t know I knew the song! How did I know that song? It’s released in 2001 which means I was in primary school, more interested in paper planes than RnBs.

So I downloaded the song and it sparked nostalgia. It reminded me of 2006 (probably the year I learnt the song), new in boarding school, awkward in my ready-made pink gown and fighting back tears as my mom’s car drove away.

I downloaded another song, Rihanna’s Umbrella. That one reminded me of the lyrics book with Beyonce, Shakira and Rihanna as the cover back. I had learnt the lyrics to that song in that lyrics book that used to go round in the school.

I remember the argument we used to have about who’s prettiest, Beyoncé? Shakira? Or Rihanna? Who’s the better singer, who’s the better dancer? I don’t remember who I used to support but knowing who I am now, I had most likely chosen Beyoncé as the better singer, Rihanna as the prettiest and Shakira as the better dancer. That sounds like me.

Next was Soulja Boy‘s Kiss Me Through The Phone. I loved that song because Sammie loved it. It reminded me of Sammie because we both used to scream when the song came to the phone number part; “Six, seven, eight, triple nine, eight, two, one, two”

It also reminded me of how Sammie and I used to read the dictionary to find insults we could use at each another. Most especially, the song reminded me of midnight calls, of me speaking in low voices so my mom wouldn’t hear I was awake at 12:30 speaking to a boy.

One after the other, I was downloading songs I used to know. It reminded me of happy moments, sad moments too but the sad moments didn’t feel sad anymore. Perhaps people were right about how time heals.

Then, I downloaded Nicki Minaj’s Pink Fridays “Roman Reloaded and Re-Up” and although I knew I was a biggest fan, it still felt uncanny that I could rap along to every song on the 2 albums.

The albums reminded me of friendship. One of my favorite people in the world became my friend after I passed by her room and heard Nicki rapping.  That was 2013. The memories that felt blurry suddenly came back!

I remember 2013 vividly, me learning Nicki Minaj’s lyrics, me, hiding my rap and poem book so people wouldn’t find the bitch-ass stuff I wrote. Me, creating a Twitter Account with the username, Zeeza Bxtch because listening to Nicki makes you want to be that Bitch.

But being that bitch didn’t stop me from crying the whole day when I lost 15,000 naira. After a lot of hesitation, I later told my father about it and instead of yelling at me like I had thought, he gave me the money back that year. 2013

Now, I’m back to the story I was working on, 2013 is alive again. I remember the songs I loved, most of them were Nicki’s and Wizkid’s, the people I loved, most of them I’ve lost touch with, the movies I loved (Troy was one of them and Orlando Bloom was a crush), I remember the slangs too and I even remember, word for word, the stupid poem I had written about a coursemate who didn’t like me back.

Now, the story is going well and this brings me joy but what brings me the most joy is the memories, the nostalgia and the realization that sometimes, I just need to look back, to find joy. Sometimes, through songs.

💜, Zyzah